Funny Horoscopes are post here daily, but sometimes not days in a row, but look how much fun can it be to know every hilarious horscopian minute in advance.
Your Birthday Today:
Today is your lucky day. Not only do you get this free horoscope, you also get several telephone calls from telemarketers. Plus, you will also get to be in traffic and use electricity. The future is bright--thanks to that electricity. Happy Birthday!
Aries (21 March-20 April)
You are prone to tooth sensitivity more than usual. Go easy on the ice.
Taurus (21 April-21 May)
Yo bull! You're not the one full of it today. Take everything with a grain of salt.
Gemini (22 May-21 June)
Save money and aggravation. Eat dinner at home tonight.
Cancer (22 June-22 July)
Here are the answers to the questions that have been plaguing you: yes, only once in a while, it's all in your head.
Leo (23 July-22 August)
Be top dog today if you don't want to be treated like a little bitch.
Virgo (23 August-21 September)
Looking good, Virgo. Don't flirt too hard, you don't want to injure innocent and even not-so-innocent bystanders.
Libra (22 September-22 October)
You are an idiot magnet today. Postpone complicated project for later in the week or suffer with "help" from well-meaning morons.
Scorpio (23 October-21 November)
Things like not being able to unbold the stupid heading or eliminate the space after some kind of line of text on your blog and stuff like that will be maddening today. Pack patience and a bat with your lunch today.
Sagittarius (22 November-21 December)
'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Capricorn (22 December-20 January)
Victory is yours if you sacrifice enough sleep.
Aquarius (21 January-19 February)
You're swimming up stream, Aquarius, and you don't even own a paddle. You're screwed.
Pisces (20 February-20 March)
Congratulate a friend who reached their goals. Success is contagious, and you just may need to catch it.
Read my horoscopes for free every day or at least when you're at work. Your future is filled with funny, pics of otters, and other stuff. Other horoscopes sugar-coat your future. Yes, sometimes you will find insulting horoscopes, rude horoscopes, but you these are guaranteed to be 100% otterific or your money back.
