Read these insulting horoscopes for free every day.
Your Birthday Today:
This time of year many people are sharing gratitude. You are exempt. Be greedy and ask for free stuff at restaurants. Throw yourself a party. This year is shrouded in mystery, but luckily you will not feel particularly curious so it won't bug you much.
Aries (21 March-20 April)
It's a small world afterall. It's a small world after all. You won't be able to get an annoying song out your head.
Taurus (21 April-21 May)
An annoying situation plagues you. Resign yourself to just ending it badly and move on.
Gemini (22 May-21 June)
Anxiety has you in a half Nelson. Tap out this round. Go home. Drink decaf.
Cancer (22 June-22 July)
Your mind is in the gutter, but luckily the head carrying it is looking good. People find it charming for a little while.
Leo (23 July-22 August)
Today is a day to roar, Leo. Make sure to use mouthwash.
Virgo (23 August-21 September)
You are see-sawing back and forth between sanity and insanity. Do NOT call you know who. Closure is over-rated.
Libra (22 September-22 October)
Lies surround you, but you can't call people on their crap until early next week. Have patience. You are right.
Scorpio (23 October-21 November)
Your ship has come in. Too bad you're not at the docks.
Sagittarius (22 November-21 December)
Maybe, but most likely not.
Capricorn (22 December-20 January)
You are likely to put your foot in your mouth, luckily there is plenty of room.
Aquarius (21 January-19 February)
Just show up and success is yours. Your competition is just that incompetent.
Pisces (20 February-20 March)
Be generous. You have had more than your fair of mistakes. Let others enjoy.
Read my horoscopes for free every day or at least when you're at work. Your future is filled with funny, pics of otters, and other stuff. Other horoscopes sugar-coat your future. Yes, sometimes you will find insulting horoscopes, rude horoscopes, but you these are guaranteed to be 100% otterific or your money back.
