Here is your daily funny horoscope. Well, semi-daily anyhow. These are free you know.
Your Birthday Today:
Your birthday and the holiday season go hand and hand along with those dual gifts. Some of your bad birthday presents can be regifted to others. This year promises good health and wealth, but not necessarily in that order or for you personally.
Aries (21 March-20 April)
Stop fooling yourself. Let it go. It's over.
Taurus (21 April-21 May)
You are procrastinating on the gift buying. Shipping only gets more expensive the longer you wait.
Gemini (22 May-21 June)
Your mountain of old mail is reaching dangerous heights. Pets and small children could be in danger.
Cancer (22 June-22 July)
Everybody is shopping online for gifts making you even more impossible to shop for. Drop major hints or suffer.
Leo (23 July-22 August)
Your holiday spirit may come from a bottle. Try not to abuse it or I see meetings in your future.
Virgo (23 August-21 September)
The holiday blues have got their sites set on you. Avoid the temptation to hermit it up so you be a moving target. You'll have a better chance.
Libra (22 September-22 October)
Do not have too much too drink at the holiday party. You will embarrass yourself with bad dancing, inappropriate remarks, or WITH a fellow employee. Watch it.
Scorpio (23 October-21 November)
You are out of answers. Avoid questions.
Sagittarius (22 November-21 December)
Your luck has run dry. Prime the pump with wishing wells.
Capricorn (22 December-20 January)
You have a good idea. Now ask Santa for the energy to fulfill it.
Aquarius (21 January-19 February)
Avoid hasty decisions and stop complaining. It's not so bad.
Pisces (20 February-20 March)
You never know what life has in store for you unless it's re-runs.
Daily funny horoscopes are posted here kind of at random, but famous guest horoscopians will soon be telling your future. Who could it be? Your favorite Comedy Central comedian? Somebody who had three lines on an episode of Bones? Julia Roberts? Subscribe to Funny Horoscope Today and you'll be sure never to miss a thrilling typo-ridden moment.
